I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
