Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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