I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
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