get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
