____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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