Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
