And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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