my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
