Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
