I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
