My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
