Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
