Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
