Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
