let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
