there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
