I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
