just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
