He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
