She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
