Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
