if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
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