the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
