I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
