Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
If I die, sorry about rent.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize