well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
