how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
