you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
