tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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