How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
