I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
