Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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