Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Randomize
