It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i barfeds in our rink
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
