He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
