Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
