ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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