This girl is more easily done than said...
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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