my shit smells like andre
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
