I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
