don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
