I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
