apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Randomize
