If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Randomize
