Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Even my vagina gasped.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
