capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
