All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
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