I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize
