I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
