dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
