She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
