i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Randomize
