Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
