I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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