I don't remember. Are we still dating?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
