ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
