He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
