I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
bring money and cleavage
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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