I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
