everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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