it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Randomize
