Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
