Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
