I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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