no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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