Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
