My girlfriend figured out who you are.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
