we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
