i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
