she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
