I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Randomize
