you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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