I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I said "one day" and that day is not today
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
