Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
