The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
