just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
