We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
