quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
