I need help removing her.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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