I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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