halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
this hospital has no fireball
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I need to wash the frat house off of me
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
