drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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