so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
