I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
