I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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