If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
