I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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