Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
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